You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
