ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize