i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
