Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
