When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was like eating out sand paper
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
