you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
