Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
