Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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