i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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