I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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