its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
