hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
