I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
