This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
