highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What a dumb baby whore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
