the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
