oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
