I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
