just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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