she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
