North Korea, Best Korea!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
