Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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