they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
