I accidentally burped into my bong.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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