Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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