i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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