I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
