I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
