Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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