Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
