addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
