All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Randomize
