you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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