therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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