so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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