apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
