the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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