Welp...herpes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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