Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
where does the pee come out of this thing
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
