Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
