I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
