sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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