I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
