I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I look better un-naked...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
