Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
