Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
