Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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