Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
