Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
