when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
