Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize