Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize