How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
