Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
