you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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