yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
