So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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