i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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