I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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