I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
