he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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