hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
