can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
