Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
