Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said her name was "party"
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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