Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
