**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize