WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
