i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize