I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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