is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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