did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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