guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
