Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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